


How to ask a Jedi to stop sleeping with the enemy.

by Space_Samurai



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, POV Outsider, Poe is a cockblocker, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Sexual Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Samurai/pseuds/Space_Samurai
Summary: “Ben,” she could be heard sighing breathlessly.Poe’s nerves jumped. “What’s going on in there?”One of the guards blushed profusely. “Sir…” He swallowed. “I think you should see it for yourself.”So Poe looks down at the screen and sees Rey, his friend and hero of the Resistance, straddling the former Supreme Leader and yanking his clothes off.Well kriff, Poe thought.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 65
Kudos: 513





	How to ask a Jedi to stop sleeping with the enemy.

According to Rey, Kylo Ren had died. The man who now resided in a holding cell –unfairly so, in her words—was none other than Ben Solo. When she had arrived to the base, everyone had been busy celebrating the end of the war to notice the man that came along her. Fairly enough, not many were familiar with Kylo Ren’s face.

Poe was.

Much to his surprise, there was no resistance on his part at the word that he was to be placed in a cell to await for them to decide his fate. Rey had protested, insisting that she was willing to take him on the Falcon and disappear to where no one would see them again. She hadn’t told him everything that went down at Exogol –Poe wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know, Rey’s haunted look prevented him from asking for details. All that mattered was that the man who had hunted them like animals for the last year was gone.

Poe had sought the middle ground. Kylo Ren was to stay in his cell, but no one in the base was to know of his presence, with the exception of a few. Poe would have liked to form a council and leave the fate of the man in their hands, but in the current state of affairs, it was neither possible or a priority. Once the Republic organized, it would be delegated to them. That, if Rey didn’t interfere before.

During the war, she’d spend most of her free time and not in the forest, doing her Jedi training. Now, she’d quickly shake hands with the nobles and ambassadors and run to Ren’s cell. She was allowed to go in and out as she pleased, with the condition that Ren wasn’t to place a single toe outside the cell. Poe had taken precautions, there were plenty of security cameras installed in Ren’s cell —not that _he_ was aware of it—and there were always eyes on him. Four rotations per day, with two guards for each shift.

These days, Poe was mostly busy, trying his best to organize and unite all the people under a new system. All while helping to free the remaining worlds controlled by the First Order. But he still made time to check on Ren once in a while. The guards would report to him that he did nothing worthy of notice; he slept, ate, meditated and speak endless hours with Rey when she was to visit him. The cameras provided audio only when activated, so unless the guards get suspicious, they remain off.

One day, as he returns from his daily diplomatic talks, Poe finds the guards hunched over the table and looking intently to the monitor where Ren’s cell streamed. He frowned as he got nearer and they failed to notice him.

“Is everything alright here?” He asked, using his best high-command voice.

The two guards, young men who had joined the Resistance now that long ago, turned to greet him, startled.

“Sir!” Both saluted him.

In their haste, they accidentally pushed the button that turned on the audio for the screens. Rey’s voice filled the silence of the room.

“ _Ben_ ,” she could be heard sighing breathlessly.

Poe’s nerves jumped. “What’s going on in there?”

One of the guards blushed profusely. “Sir…” He swallowed. “I think you should see it for yourself.”

So Poe looks down at the screen and sees Rey, his friend and hero of the Resistance, straddling the former Supreme Leader and yanking his clothes off.

 _Well kriff_ , Poe thought.

The cell’s light was good enough to show that there was no doubt about what was going on in there. Ren was laying on his back, with Rey sitting on top of him and their lips were locked. Poe was forced to see, with his two dear eyes, how Rey managed to pull off the man’s shirt. Pale skin and a strong body were exposed. Poe saw the man _shaking_ as Rey ran her hands through him and then he promptly went to grope her ass.

This wasn’t their first flight, he quickly realized. Also, Ren wasn’t half-bad looking without his clothes off. This realization mortified him.

“For how long has this been going on?” He asked angrily, eyes still shifting to the screen.

“They have been going at it for twenty minutes, sir.” One of the guards dutifully reported. Poe could feel a vein popping on his forehead.

“I mean for how long have they been—can’t you turn off the audio?!” The breathless sighs had been replaced by low whines and guttural groans. Poe’s pants were starting to feel uncomfortably tight and he was not ready to face that it was because of Kylo Ren. Poe took a deep, calming breath. “For how long have they been… _fraternizing_?” The sounds had ended.

“It’s not the first time it happens in my shift.”

“Nor in mine,” the other provided.

“And neither of you thought about informing me?” He barked. The soldiers cowered. “You just sat and watched?” They didn’t look at him, eyes glued to the floor.

 _Kriffing hell_ , he thought.

“Delete all footage,” he ordered and they nodded firmly. The last thing he needed was having Kylo Ren’s sex-tape leaked in the Holo-Net.

“And if I hear that any of you has been peeping again, I’ll throw you into a cell myself. Turn those cameras off!”

-

Poe has always been rather shameless. It was an easier way to live life, but not even he was shameless enough to approach Rey to tell her to stop sleeping with Kylo Ren. And what the hell, why was she sleeping with him on the first place?

Whatever physical appeal Ren might have was shadowed by the fact that he was a murderer. Though apparently, Rey didn’t mind as much.

Should he even tell her to stop doing it, what purpose would it serve? Poe could only hope she was being responsible enough to be safe about it. Poe _really_ didn’t need little Rens running around, much less considering that their father’s fate didn’t promise to be good.

He debates taking this knowledge to Finn. If anyone could talk sense into her, it was Finn. The man was busy nowadays too, helping former Stormtroopers to reinsert themselves into society and providing support for all the hell they had endured under the First Order’s reign.

Poe was proud of him.

While Rey was an adult woman with a right to privacy, Kylo Ren was another matter. So after a day and a half, Poe brings his concern to Finn. It’s impossible to find the man alone, so he has to take him away from a group he was talking with, much to his friend’s displeasure.

“How much do you know about Ren and Rey?” He asks plainly.

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “You mean in like, the Force?”

Poe didn’t know much about the Jedi and the Force, but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t meant to be used that way.

“No, in mean like…” _they are fucking._ But before he can voice that thought, Finn’s eyes widen.

“ _What?_ ”

Did he say it aloud?

“I went to check on her and Ren, you know she’s been spending a lot of time in his cell, and well, they seemed painfully close to me.” He said with intent.

“You can’t know that,” Finn pushed. “She’s just close to him because he healed her after the fight with Palpatine. There’s nothing more than that.”

“Finn. I had to see, with my two beautiful eyes, how she climbed that man like a tree. I _can_ know for sure that they were not meditating.” Unless that’s how the Jedi meditate, which again, Poe wouldn’t know. He might switch religions one of these days.

“Ren could be forcing her, you don’t-“

“Buddy, no one was forcing anyone in there.” Poe had feared that the cameras would become foggy after a while.

Finn looked faintly green. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because someone has to tell her to stop fucking Kylo Ren and I don’t want it to be me.” He palmed the younger man’s shoulder. “You are closer to her, you do it.”

“What?! NO!” Finn pushed him away. “You tell her to stop fu—“his cheeks grew red, “fucking Kylo Ren.”

“Who is fucking Kylo Ren?” Rose questioned. Finn and Poe jumped, surprised at the woman’s apparition. She did that often, Poe was starting to think he should’ve made Rose a spy; she had skills for sneaking around.

“What?” Poe feigned innocence. “No one’s fucking Kylo Ren. I said someone needs to tell Rey to stop spending so much time with _fucking_ Kylo Ren _._ ” He hoped he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. “It’s dangerous for her to get in and out of that cell as she pleases, she could forget to properly lock it.”

“Oh,” Rose blinked. “Maybe she’s grateful that he helped her and doesn’t want him to feel alone.”

Rose was one of the few who knew about Ren’s actions, and only because she and Rey were close friends.

“Even if that’s how it is, this is Ren we are talking about.” Poe shifted uncomfortably. “That’s the least he deserves for all he put us through.”

“The war is over,” Rose pointed out. “He is no longer our enemy. Rey saw to that.”

 _Damn right she did_ , Poe thought. Finn glared at him.

“Besides,” Rose continued, “if he wanted to escape, he would have already.”

“How can you know that?”

“I’ve seen the reports of Ren’s rages, whole armies crushed to the ground by his own power.” She shivered. “I can’t think a cell would hold him back.”

Poe couldn’t, either.

-

Poe takes the next shift. It promises to be easy and boring. He knew for a fact that Rey was having dinner with the rest in the mess hall, and Ren had finished his food and went to sleep early. He seemed to do that a lot, in the guards notes it was written that he’d sleep right after having his rations and then wake up at dawn.

For a while, that’s all he does. Poe sits comfortably, alone, in the chair and watches the man’s chest rise and go down. The motion is so repetitive that he becomes tired from watching it, in fact, he’s about to fall asleep when something changes.

Ren awakes, quickly sitting on his bed and gazing at the air. When Poe sees his lips move, he decides to activate the audio.

“ _…it’s fine, sweetheart_.” Ren assures his cell’s door. Poe frowned, turning to other screens. There was no one else there. Did Ren sleepwalk? “ _I’ll see you tomorrow, they might get suspicious.”_

There was a pause, as if someone were responding him. Poe’s confusion grew.

Ren suddenly nodded and moved to the corner of the bed, pulling back the sheets and leaving an empty space at the edge. A second later, Rey’s form manifested by Ren’s side. Poe’s jaw fell open as the woman snuggled against Ren, sighing happily. The man surrounded her with his arms and went to sleep once more.

Poe replayed the last minutes in every camera, but facts didn’t change. There had been no one in that cell aside from Ren, until there was. She had just appeared out of nowhere. Had she done it with the Force?

Now resolved to end this once in for all, Poe left the chair and walked to Ren’s cell. He inserted the code and the door opened. Ren turned to look at him, eyes shadowed by sleep.

“Is there anything you need, General?”

There was no one in his bed. Ren was alone. Poe knew he hadn’t imagined it, he was certain that it’d be in the recordings if he checked, Rey had been there. And even if she had heard him coming or _sensed_ him, there still wasn’t enough time for her to slip out without being noticed.

Poe’s eyes narrowed. “No, everything is fine. Go back to sleep.”

-

Poe makes an effort to make sure there’s someone with Rey at all times. It’s subtle, she might not even notice it’s because of his machinations. He puts her on mechanic duty for most of the week, as many of their allies ships had been damaged during the battle and volunteers were flooding with work. Finn had her helping on the Stormtrooper program to locate lost families and Rose moved into her quarters, as the base was receiving new deserters day by day and sleeping accommodations got tighter.

In other words, Rey couldn’t get laid with Ren if she didn’t have time for it. Poe’s plan was brilliant. And to add another obstacle, he made sure a guard always stood by Ren’s cell. A week goes by without them having any contact. Poe watches Ren sulk in his cell for hours and considers it a victory.

But of course, things are never that easy.

“Why are you keeping me away from Ben’s cell?” Rey asks during lunch and Poe chokes on his ration. He hadn’t expected a direct confrontation.

People turn to look at them, not because of Rey words, but because of Poe’s odd behavior. “Not here.” He says and Rey frowns, but follows him outside the mess hall.

When they get out, she crosses her arms and glares at Poe. “Why are you keeping me away from Ben’s cell?” She asks once more.

“I haven’t done anything, you are still free to come and go as you wish.”

“When? Because nowadays, it seems like I have twice as many hours of duty as anyone else.” She complains. “So let me ask you again, _why are you keeping me away from him_?” 

Poe doesn’t has the Force, but even he can feel the hurt behind those words. _Kriffing hell_ , Rey actually cares for the man and she is _hurting_ because she can’t be with him. Poe didn’t sign up for this conversation and it seems he’ll be having it anyway.

He took a deep breath. “Your…affections for him have been noticed.”

“I’ve never meant to hide them,” she pushes back, daring him to chide her for it. “He _saved_ me, of course I care about him.”

Poe tried another approach. “Your affections for him have been _seen_.”

Poe sees the exact moment she realizes the meaning of his words. Her face becomes a mask of mortification.

“You spied on us?!”

Poe swallowed. “It wasn’t me, the guards saw—“

“What guards? There are none on the cell, unless—you’ve got cameras on there!” Her cheeks got redder by second. “Who knows about this?”

“Just a few and they are sworn to secrecy, so don’t worry.” Poe sighed. “Now you see why I can’t have you visiting him.”

“Because the guards could spy on us? Just turn off the cameras and you won’t see anything you don’t want to.” She was pissed off.

“What-? No! That’s not the point, you- you can’t just sleep with Kylo Ren.”

“His name is Ben Solo! And I don’t see how’s that any of our business.” She seemed disgusted, as if he were in the wrong and some sort of pervert.

“He is our enemy!”

“Not anymore!”

“You shouldn’t fuck him just because you are grateful!” That earned him a slap, and Rey hit harder than Leia.

“I fuck him because I want to fuck him!”

Their screaming match had brought eyes upon them, even if they were at a distance. Poe did felt embarrassed, but certainly, she should see his point by now!

“Well, you shouldn’t.” Poe massaged his temples. “I can’t have you sneaking around to see the former Supreme Leader, not even for some snuggles. Because A, he’s the former Supreme Leader. And B, he is supposed to face punishment in that cell and- and you do that with him kind of misses the point.”

Rey’s glare did not falter for a second.

Poe groaned. “I beg you. Stop fucking Kylo Ren in the base. Just think of what the dignitaries would think if they knew he was here and we kept it from them. If you aren’t cautious enough, word could get out.”

“Fine then, I won’t sleep with him in the base anymore. Not that that is any of your business!” She roared before leaving.

Poe could have slumped to the floor. At least she got the message.

-

Or maybe she doesn’t, because in the next shift, one of the guards calls Poe in panic. Kylo Ren is missing from his cell. Poe inquiries about what’s happened and sends someone to look for Rey.

He sees Rey in the cell, speaking with Ren in hushed voices. The audio couldn’t caught what they were saying, but when Rey extends her hand towards him, Ren takes it and they both disappear. A headache begins to form behind Poe’s eyes.

One of the men comes back from Rey’s room, letting him know the room was empty and that Rose had last seen her in the hangar. Poe is not surprised when he learns that the Falcon, too, is nowhere to be seen.

 _Well kriff_ , he thinks. He’s only grateful that there aren’t any other high commands that he has to explain himself to. At least she won’t be fucking the guy in base anymore, a little voice in his head celebrates. Poe tells it to shut up.

**Author's Note:**

> I think we all needed some light-hearted crack after that movie. Make sure to tell me if you enjoyed <3


End file.
